The Sorcerer And The Superstar: Wizard Curses Cristiano Ronaldo

Barack Obama has added another amazing achievement to his year by winning the Nobel Peace Prize. What a year it has been for him. If he were a footballer, he would be the guy who won FIFA World Player of the Year, European Footballer of the Year, UEFA Club footballer of the Year and had the European Golden Shoe proudly displayed in his ever-growing trophy cabinet. He would be the highest paid footballer in the world. He would be Cristiano Ronaldo! Too bad for Ronaldo that he is not, like Obama, the most powerful and arguably the most respected man in the world.

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Footballers have to get used to seeing frivolous headlines about themselves in the tabloids and learn to either enjoy and revel in the silliness of it all or completely ignore it. Also, they realize soon enough, that the bigger star they become, the more ridiculous the stories get. So when the second-largest Spanish daily newspaper El Mundo, broke the news of a Wizard claiming he had been contacted to put on a curse on Cristiano, I am sure the Portuguese superstar smiled his smug smile and patted himself on the back. I mean, could the headline get any sillier?

It turns out ‘Pepe’ – The Wizard is quite the Harry Potter of Football sorcerer. Cristiano Ronaldo joins David Beckham, Carlos Queiroz, Esteban Cambiasso, Brazilian Ronaldo, Iker Casillas, Raul, Cannavaro and Sergio Ramos in the impressive list of people lucky enough to be cursed by our illustrious ‘soccerer.’ But first of all, I’d like to thank you, oh noble Wizard, for thinking us important enough to let us in on your evil plans. It gives us a warm fuzzy feeling. Wizards of the past have been downright rude by not even letting us know before they turn our favorite footballers into bats, or even worse vegetables.

The wonderful Wizard also said that he himself had nothing against the star and that he couldn’t violate the Wizard-Client (weirdo) confidentially law and tell us who the client was. He said his client was a “jilted lover”, “non-European” and “a very wealthy heiress from a well-known family”. Hail, thou Sly Sorcerer!

The story has the makings of a movie of the forgotten Bollywood era, which was obsessed with spells and sly serpentine women. And like the pathetic era, this story should have died a fast death in this super-fast information age. Alas, Cristiano picked up an ankle injury playing in the match against Marseille, which his team Real Madrid won 3-0. The wily Wizard was ‘lightening-quick’ to claim credit for the injury but no one really cared. It was only when Cristiano had to miss the next match which Madrid lost and when Portugal haven’t already claimed their spot in the 2010 World Cup, that fans all over the world started to somewhat fear the mighty Wizard’s ways!

Mr. Wizard, I hope you realize that we fans, are always quick to buy into conspiracy theories when our team loses. We never believe that the other team could have played better than ours. As, for Cristiano, he is currently busy replacing David Beckham in the Georgio Armani ads while he recovers from his ankle injury.So Mr. Wizard, enjoy you few moments in the limelight, `coz as soon as our ‘Wing Wizard’ is back to winning ways, you’ll have to go back to searching for hairs off the tail of a red donkey picked in the light of a full moon; or whatever it is you fake Wizards do for kicks.

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